SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Hordes of angry protesters have gathered outside Jagged Realms headquarters in what the media is describing as the most pathetic display of activism in recent history.
“As loyal consumers, we demand that all our games feature 4x full-scene anti-aliasing, 60 frames per second, and 1080p Full HD resolution,” said Brad Symington, spokesperson for the Coalition of Unemployed Neurotic Techies. “Several of our members have suffered myocardial infarctions due to the lack of anti-aliasing in games such as Battlefield: Bad Company 2.”
The Coalition has been petitioning for 3 days straight, and they say they won’t leave until their demands are met.
“These people don’t realize that this is a problem of economics,” said John Turdberg, president of Jagged Realms, the leading provider of shitty graphics. “Anti-aliasing takes a lot of math, and the world’s math supply has dwindled in the last decade.”
Companies such as Jagged Realms have traditionally used local math sources to fuel their products, but in recent times they have been forced to import more and more math from countries like China and India.
“You’re not just hurting us, you are hurting each and every one of the high-definition television displays out there starved for pristine image quality,” said Symington, a college dropout aspiring to be a professional blogger.
Contrary to their public threats, the members of the Coalition do leave the premises every night when their mothers pick them up to drop them off at LAN parties.