New processor spurs Gamerscore increase, controversy

Microsoft has increased the maximum allowable Gamerscore for Xbox Live Arcade (XBLA) games to 400 Gamerscore and 30 Achievements. Xbox gamers and indie developers worldwide are rejoicing while activists are protesting the environmental and human costs of the increase.

“The impetus for the increase comes from a major technological advancement,” says Richard Leckstein, vice-president of product relations at Microsoft. “This of course being the introduction of the Titan X4 Gamerscore processor embedded in each new Xbox 360 console.”

The Titan X4 is the result of years of research and development. The Xbox 360’s current Xenon CPU can barely handle the processing required to push 200 achievement points through the system, so Microsoft’s engineers have leveraged a new mineral called achievementium to create a fast CPU solely for computing Gamerscore.

“With a 400 Gamerscore limit, we can offer more achievements than ever before and solidify our position as the leader in Gamer cred.”

Gamer cred

Projected E-peen values for 2012.

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Anti-aliasing protest rages on

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Hordes of angry protesters have gathered outside Jagged Realms headquarters in what the media is describing as the most pathetic display of activism in recent history.

“As loyal consumers, we demand that all our games feature 4x full-scene anti-aliasing, 60 frames per second, and 1080p Full HD resolution,” said Brad Symington, spokesperson for the Coalition of Unemployed Neurotic Techies. “Several of our members have suffered myocardial infarctions due to the lack of anti-aliasing in games such as Battlefield: Bad Company 2.”

The Coalition has been petitioning for 3 days straight, and they say they won’t leave until their demands are met.

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